– Temple of Apollo at Delphi
Who are you? Your name was decided by your parents, so you aren’t “Steve”, sorry Steves of the world. Even with having spent potentially many years of schooling and on the job, you aren’t really your career either. Some people change those as late as in their 60s and 70s, so it can’t be that either. You may perhaps have a dozen other titles: father, brother, mother, sister, son, or daughter. You’re likely a different one to different people though, so that alone can’t define you either.
Perhaps you define yourself by your qualities. “I’m a reliable person!”. That’s wonderful, though probably not all the time. At best you can try, but sometimes there’s just too many other factors, and to be reliable to one person, you may become unreliable to another. Something that shaky can’t be your identity either.
I won’t go down a path like “You’re all of those things!”, though it may be true to some extent. Let’s avoid all this “Just be yourself” nonsense too.
Having just crossed the four year mark a month ago since the start of my weight loss journey, I still vividly remember “Who I was”. As a 385 pound man-child, I spent my time in jobs that were frustrating, with plentiful hours of video games, and a ground hog day style cycle of hanging out with the same people and going to the same restaurants. Without the hilarious antics of Bill Murray, or the realization that the cycle was going on, and I’m pretty sure if I died, I wouldn’t have come back either.
With the wonderful power of self-awareness and mindfulness, and realizing those pesky habits of ours exist, the answer takes a different form. The answer is…
Whoever you choose to be.
Don’t worry, I’m not going into a “you can do anything” rant. Though you can, there’s just a caveat, if you want to learn a skill that would change the entire way you interact with the world around you, such as developing charisma, realize it will take time. Take comfort in the idea that you aren’t locked in to your hobbies, social circle, charisma level, or just about anything else. You may be limited in some fashion, financially, geometrically, and a wealth of other possibilities.
HOT TIP: Consider any aspect of yourself that you define yourself by, find the source of it. Did you really decide it? Does it really define you? If you learned your kindness from your parents, great, but if circumstances were less lucky, you have have learned resentment from them instead. Drill down deeply and find the source of any label, decide if you want to keep it.
Though if you can read this blog, you have access to the internet. You can find ways to take steps towards who you really want to become. It may begin theoretically until you resolve your current situation (i.e. moving out from your parents home or finding employment), but the ground hog day cycle needs to be broken, and what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t done it.
Lastly, don’t be concerned whether the “you” that you want to become is radically different from who you currently are. You can’t ‘lose’ who you are, since none of those things you define yourself with (i.e. name, job, personality) are really set in stone. If you lose your friends or if people treat you differently due to some change you made, decide whether your old life without that conflict, means more to you then becoming who you really want to be. How amazing would it feel to know your personal abilities and the way and with whom you spend your time were crafted by you, and that you are growing closer each day towards the person you’ve always wanted to be?